“Sitting silently beside a friend who is hurting may be the best gift we can give.” — Unknown
I’m a loner by nature but I’ve had many friends and people I’ve referred to as “best friends” for many, many years. Over time, the dynamics of those relationships changed and, for a long period of time, I was truly friendless. Early 2015, I made a conscious effort to change directions and added a new goal: to develop strong friendships and lasting relationships.
Friends are often those who cross paths regularly, so our friends tend to be coworkers, classmates, and people who share synergy with us. Since the 1980s the number of Americans who say they have no one to talk to has doubled. And a recent study that featured 1,500 face-to-face interviews found that more than a quarter of the respondents, (one in four), said they had no one to talk about their personal troubles or triumphs.♦ This is very sad. Although some of us are happy without friends, for the most part, many of us look forward to the company of true friends.
I’ve been struggling with my recent move and some days I am so frustrated that I’m almost in tears. This week I was having a really bad day and a friend called out of the blue and said, “How are you, Chica?” I opened my mouth and a flood of words came pouring out. My friend listened as I poured my heart out and, with the right balance of support and chiding, she got me back on the right path: being grateful and positive; believing that it will all work out for good.
“The conventional wisdom is that we choose friends because of who they are. But it turns out that we actually love them because of the way they support who we are.”♦
While I was preparing this article, I shared a conversation with a friend who explained two interesting dimensions of friendship: Sometimes we’ll feel that a friendship will never end, but once we move out of the confines of the relationship – a dorm, an office or a gym – we’re often unable to muster the time and energy to maintain the friendship we professed to value. The dynamism of the relationship changes so much that if we see the friend in the market, we may even struggle to say “hi.” On the other hand, some friendships have such a strong bond that distance and inactivity fail to break them. When these friends do reconnect, it’s as if they were never apart.
Like anything else in life, if we want to remain friends with someone, it requires a little work. A friend with too many opinions about our wardrobe, our partner, or our taste in food and movies may not be a friend for long. So, here are four essential behaviors for lasting friendships:
- Self-disclosure: We must be willing to extend ourselves, to share our lives with our friends and keep them abreast of what’s going on with us.
- Supportiveness: Our friends are there for us through thick and thin, but rarely cross the line. If we suffer an emergency and need to talk, we expect our best friend to drop everything and race to our side.
- Interaction: Good friends are open, genuine and honest with each other. They tolerate each other’s frailties, appreciate their differences, and honestly criticize when necessary.
- Positive attitude: At the end of the day, a thriving friendship is an enjoyable one. The more rewarding a friendship is, the more we feel good about it, and the more we’re willing to expend the energy it takes to keep it alive.
But reciprocity is the key. The glue that binds us together in a successful friendship is our ability to give and take. As well as our willingness to be emotionally expressive, provide unconditional support and acceptance, loyalty, and trust. Social media such as Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and the many others, has its place but unfortunately, some of these online friendships are more “virtual” than real.
Bottomline……… Real friendship takes work! You’ve got to write, you’ve got to call, you’ve got to visit. Many of our “cyber-bonds” are often anything but meaningful, and can actually be a way of not engaging deeply with others. Social media should never replace the authenticity and intimacy of face-to-face interactions. Simply put, we must show up.
“A friend is one that knows you as you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, and still, gently allows you to grow.” ― William Shakespeare
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To Your Success,
Althea
Althea A. McLeish Wilson, RN, MSN
Promoting inner health & outer beauty!
Helping you thrive, not just survive!!
PS. Inner Health & Outer Beauty Store: Health & Wellness with Althea♦
PPS. Did You Find This Helpful? If so, please feel free to share!! Leave a comment or contact me at althea@altheamcleish.com.
